Parent Workshop

Due to puberty and high amounts of hormones, it will be very normal for your teenager to be physically exhausted, sensitive to mood swings, and show irritability. Feelings of bodily and social changes will cause a new disruption mentally for boys and girls in different ways. Not only this, but your teenager is beginning to gain feelings of autonomy which may contribute to more bickering or arguments but (despite how it seems) is a good thing! It is important that as a parent, you healthily communicate and show your teenager that they can trust and come to you if they need you. If your child knows they can trust you, they can feel comfortable going to you for help. In this case, it becomes easier to have conversations about tough and serious issues such as mental health which therefore contributes to recognizing your child’s symptoms sooner rather than later.

• According to the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), abnormal behavior consists of day-to-day interferences with either too little or too much of a feeling, behavior, or thought occurrence. In order for a person to be diagnosed with an illness, the patient must experience 2/4 of the following; Deviance (Does this behavior make sense within a person’s culture or social context), Danger (Does the thought, feeling, or behavior cause harm to others and/or to your child?), Dysfunction (Is your child’s life being negatively affected; work, family, social relationships), and the most common reason to look further for health: Distress (Does your child not feel good, like oneself, or are clearly struggling internally?). Of the aforementioned, before you begin to worry, it is crucial that dysfunction and distress are occurring amongst your child to raise alarm.s here

Opening doors to tough conversations can really help relieve your teen of pressure to come forward, which is not always easy to do if one is struggling from a mental illness, let alone when that individual is an adolescent. It is important to remain open and warm while actively listening to your child. Showing physical touch, calm tones, and letting your child carry the direction of the conversation can go a long way in obtaining the information needed.

Here are some conversation starters to incorporate as a parent when speaking to your teen:

• “Something seems up, you know you can talk to me if you’re not feeling okay right?” Sometimes just letting your child know that you’re there if they need them can go a long way. Pay attention to their body language and how they respond to know if you should gently press further.

• “Do you want to go for a drive, get out of the house with me and talk?” It doesn’t necessarily have to be a drive around the neighborhood, but any place where you can have an open conversation can help progress the process of figuring out what is wrong. Giving your child an opportunity to get out of the house is always great, especially if they are seemingly struggling with small tasks like just getting out of bed.

• “I can tell that you’re struggling and just wanted to let you know that I’m here whether you want to talk to me or if we want to find someone else to talk to professionally?” Sometimes pushing your child who is already struggling can do more harm than good, in this case it’s great to just let them know that you care by telling them you’ll support them and that you’ll help in finding them professional help if they think it would benefit them.

There are various online and in person mental health providers available to treat substance abuse, addiction, and mental illnesses.

• Finding a local Child Adolescent Psychologist or Psychiatrist is a great place to start; you can start by contacting your health insurance provider via call or website to look further into mental health care options for your child within your budget.

• You may also reach out to your child’s school psychologist, guidance counselor, nurse, or your own health care professionals for further guidance.

The following websites can also provide necessary information regarding your child’s mental health:

• FindTreatment.gov. Find a provider treating substance use disorders, addiction, and mental illness

• American Psychiatric Association Foundation. Find a Psychiatrist

• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Finder

• Teenlife.com. Helping students around the world find mental health care

• National Institution Of Mental Health. Raising Awareness and Understanding Mental Health

According to the National Mental Health Institute, “Coping is defined as the thoughts and behaviors mobilized to manage internal and external stressful situations. It is a term used distinctively for conscious and voluntary mobilization of acts, different from 'defense mechanisms' that are subconscious or unconscious adaptive responses, both of which aim to reduce or tolerate stress.”

Examples of healthy coping mechanisms both your child and you as a parent can use to regulate emotions include:

• Physical Activity; walking, running, playing sports, swimming, boxing, yoga, self defense class etc

• Journaling; scrapbooking, reading, drawing, painting, listening to music, making playlists, puzzles, crosswords, etc

• Meditation; listening to podcasts, deep breathing, positive thinking, body and muscle relaxation, etc

• Self Care; taking a bath, cold shower, washing your face, moisturizing your body, brushing your teeth, washing your hair, aromatherapy, taking a nap, playing an instrument, watching a TV show/favorite movie, cleaning your room, rearranging your room, spending time with friends, calling a loved one, having a night in, cooking a meal

• Parent relationships with children will determine if your child feels they can have a choice to say no when they do not want to engage with others, eat a certain food, play with a certain toy etc. The establishment of teaching boundaries to your child at a young age drastically increases feelings of bodily autonomy to say no in situations we may be encouraged to say yes in.

• Communication about these types of peer pressured scenarios early on will benefit your child if they ever encounter a station they want to exit. You can talk to them in “what would you do” hypotheticals like so;

  • “What would you do if one of your friends is encouraging you to drink alcohol?”

  • “What would you do if one of your friends is encouraging you to be mean to another peer?”

• In asking these questions, you allow your child the opportunity to confide in you so that they may even tell you what they would do in that situation to which you can ask follow up questions

  • “How would you feel if peers were being mean to you?”

  • “How would you feel if someone got hurt because of underage drinking?”

• Asking how they would feel rather than telling them “this is wrong” will allow them to emotionally think about the consequences of their actions while practicing empathy.

• Then, you can talk to them about different ways they can say no such as so;

  • “How would you tell someone close to you that you don’t want to do something they want you to do?”

• You can suggest some examples like

  • “You have the choice to partake or decline an invitation you do not want to accept.”

  • “What adult can you talk to at school, camp, or around you if you feel uncomfortably pressured to do something”

• Making sure your kids have someone to go to in case of an emergency is important because it gives them options to go to if they feel cornered.

• Teaching your child to stick up for themselves will enhance self esteem, communication, and boundaries

• Encouraging independent play can also decrease your child’s desire to depend on others for fun and thus can teach them it’s okay to be alone if the alternative its having bad friends that don’t look out for your best interests.

• Having these conversations early on can have drastic differences in instilling actions to take if in a pressured situation

• Teaching social skills like working in a group activity can build self confidence

• Signing your child up for a sport they may be interested in is an excellent way to encourage teamwork and building social skills

• Arranging playdates with other children can also help with practicing these social skills around children their age

• Modeling confident behavior for your child can also observationally teach them how to converse, behave, and think about other people

• Empathizing with their fears (and not dismissing them as “silly”) teaches your child that their emotions are valid and heard which can relieve some anxiety

• Asking them what they are scared of in regards to being social can bring about actions to be taken to help

• Exposure therapy can improve your child’s fears by “exposing” them to an environment in which causes them fear and thus can learn that it isn’t so bad (Be sure to research exposure therapists near you for the best results)

• Links for Finding Exposure Therapists:

  • Finding Help: What Is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

  • Book an in network therapist / counselor

  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Treatment

Nonprofit organizations (Like JCK!) are great people to talk to individually if struggling with a mental disorder; opens up conversations you wouldn’t of had with people who also understand what it is like to struggle mentally.

Local mental health support groups are a great help to feel less alone.

Support Groups In Westchester:

• Blueshill Recovery (Individual and Group Therapy)

• NAMI Westchester, Inc (Mental Health Clinic)

• Westchester Country Support Groups (Psychology Today Website; research the help you need)

• Problem solving skills (games, puzzles, mystery books etc)

• Express emotions clearly and often

• Set goals (Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly)

• Allowing moderate health risks to occur (so child may learn from mistakes)

• Challenging play (not letting your child win every game BUT not being condescending about it and rather showing encouragement)

• Routines (creating healthy habits through repetition increase productivity)